bingbongboo fun

Well, what should I do?”, asked the man. “Hold the club gently,” the pro replied, “just like you’d hold your wife’s breast.” Taking the advice, he took a swing, and POW!, he hit the ball 250 yards straight up the fairway.

The ecstatic man went back home telling his wife the good news about his lesson, and, the wife couldn’t wait for her lesson.

The next day, the wife went for her lesson. The pro watched her swing and said, “No, no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard.” “What can I do?” asked the wife.

“Hold the club gently, just like you’d hold your husband’s penis.” The wife listened carefully to the pro’s advice, took a swing, and, THUMP! — the ball skipped down the fairway about 15 feet.

“You know, that was a lot better than I expected,” the pro said.

“Now, take the club out of your mouth, and, hold it in your hands . . “

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel
like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look
by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to
take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We
went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
earrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play
tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all
dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel
like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT?”

I then said “honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re
just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she
was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and
not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.

While the soldiers stood at attention during a parade,
A private waved to someone in the audience.

“Jones, never do that again!” the drill instructor whispered.

But a few minutes later, the soldier waved a second time.

Back in the barracks after the parade, the DI stormed in
And barked for Jones to come front and enter.

“Son, you knew I was going to see you,” he screamed.
“You knew it was wrong. Aren’t you afraid of me?”

“Yes, sir!” replied Jones. “But you don’t know my mother!”

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had
several hundred young layers (hens), called “pullets”, and ten
roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs (for you city
folks).

The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn’t perform
went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his
time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a
distance, which rooster was performing.

Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report
simply by listening to the bells. The farmer’s favorite rooster was
old Butch, and a very fine specimen he was, too.
But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch’s bell
hadn’t rung at all! John went to investigate.
The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The
pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
But to Farmer John’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his
beak, so it couldn’t ring. He would sneak up on a pullet, do his job
and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew
County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result…The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell
Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: Who else but
a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted
awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace
and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention?

Peter and Alfred Nussbaum were tailors and partners in the firm Nussbaum Brothers.

After many years they decided to Anglicize their names and henceforth the firm should be known as the Nuss Brothers.
After completing the legal paperwork, they informed the receptionist, Ethel, that from Monday on she should answer the phone as “Nuss Brothers.”
“I quit,” said Ethel.
“But why?”, asked Peter, “the pay and benefits will be the same!”
“Yeah? Well, YOU answer the phone then. I don’t want to answer and find that the caller says he wants to speak with Mr. Nuss. Then I have to say….. “Yes Sir; which one? P. Nuss or A .Nuss?”