bingbongboo fun

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. “A less costly alternative,” said the doctor, “is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.”

The Alabamian said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest tool in the
shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.”

“Trust me,” said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

“1″

“2″

“3″

“4″

“5″

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, Florida, West Virginia and Washington DC.

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!

The teenager tells her “Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!” and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate…..

The grandmother says, “Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets.

A cowboy has spent many days crossing the
Texas plains without water.

His horse has already died of thirst.

He’s crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his
last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of
the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers
what looks to be an old briefcase.

He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.

She is wearing a FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Ag ency)
ID badge and a dull gray dress.

There’s a calculator in her pocketbook.

She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

“Well, cowboy,” says the genie.. “You know how I work….You have
three wishes.”

“I’m not falling for this.” said the cowboy… “I’m not going to
trust a FEMA genie.”

“What do you have to lose? You’ve got no transportation, and it
looks like you’re a goner anyway!”

The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the
genie is right.
“OK!, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and
drink.”

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever
seen, and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of
delicacies.

“OK, cowpoke, what’s your second wish.”

“My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.”

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled
with rare gold coins and precious gems.

“OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a
good one!”

After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says…
“I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and
need me.”

***POOF***

He was turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story:

If the government offers you anything, there’s going to be a
string attached.

A young woman visited her eye doctor complaining of failing eyesight.

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The doctor sat her in front of a standard eye chart.

Doctor: “Can you read the bottom line?”
Girl: “No.”

Doctor: “Can you read the center line?”
Girl: “No.”

Doctor: “Can you read the large top line?”
Girl: “No.”

Doctor (getting frustrated): “Can you even see the chart?”
Girl: “No.”

The doctor is clearly frustrated and whips his penis out
of his pants.

Doctor: “Can you see this?”
Girl: “Of course!”

Doctor: “Well, there’s your problem - you’re cock-eyed!”

The wedding date was set and the groom’s three buddies : A carpenter, an electrician, and a dentist were busy deciding what pranks they could play on the couple on their wedding night.

The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two.

The electrician decided to wire the bed - with alternating current, of course.

The dentist wouldn’t commit himself, but wore a sly grin and promised it would be memorable.

The nuptials went as planned and a few days later, each of the groom’s buddies received the following note in the mail :

DEAR FRIENDS,
WE DIDN’T MIND THE BED SLATS BEING SAWED. THE ELECTRIC SHOCK WAS ONLY A MINOR SETBACK. BUT BE FOREWARNED: I INTEND TO HUNT DOWN AND KILL THE SORRY JERK WHO PUT NOVOCAIN IN THE K-Y JELLY!!!

The rescue squad was called to the home of an elderly couple for an
apparent heart attack the gentleman had. When the squad got there it was
too late and the man had died.

While consoling the wife one of the rescuers noticed that the bed was a
mess. He asked the lady what symptoms the man had suffered and if
anything had precipitated the heart attack. The lady replied, “Well, we
were in the bed making love and he started moaning, groaning, thrashing
about the bed, panting, and sweating. I thought he was coming, but I
guess he was going.”