Little Johnny was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, “Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!”
The teacher replied, ‘Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation..
The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate.’
Please use the word ‘ur-i-nate’ in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.”
Little Johnny, thinks for a bit, and then says, “You’re an eight, but if
you had bigger tits, you’d be a TEN!”
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, “Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?”
Johnny says “Mas-tur-bate.”
Miss Rogers smiles and says, “Wow, little Johnny, that’s a mouthful.”
Little Johnny says, “No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of a blowjob.”
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
“Why?” asks the father?
“The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3,’” I said “6″, replies Johnny.
“But that’s right!” says his dad.
“Yeah, but then she asked me “How much is 3×2?’”
“What’s the fucking difference?” asks the father.
“That’s what I said!”
A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?” She calls on little Johnny.
He replies, “None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.”
The teacher replies, “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”
Then little Johnny says, “I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?”
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, “Well, I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.”
To which Little Johnny replied, “The correct answer is ‘the one with the wedding ring on,” but I like your thinking.”
“OLD” IS WHEN …
Your sweetie says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “Pick one; I can’t do both!”
“OLD ” IS WHEN ..
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
“OLD” IS WHEN …
A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
“OLD” IS WHEN …
Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
“OLD” IS WHEN ..
You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
“OLD” IS WHEN ..
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
“OLD” IS WHEN ..
“Getting a little action” means you don’t need to take any fiber today
“OLD” IS WHEN .
“Getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot.
“OLD” IS WHEN ..
An “all nighter” means not getting up to use the bathroom.
AND
“OLD” IS WHEN … You are not sure these are jokes.
Jane was one of those UGLY women, so ugly it hurts, she never had a boyfriend. So she went to a Psychic for help.
“Honey,” said the Psychic. “You will not have luck in love in this life. But, at the reincarnation, you will be a very desired woman and all men will fall at your feet.”
Jane left very happy and so excited, as she went over a bridge she thought, “The sooner I die, the sooner my next life begins.”
She decided to jump off the bridge right away. But, incredibly Jane didn’t die!
She fell on the back of a truck full of bananas, she lost her senses and fainted. As soon as she recovered, still drowsy and not being able to see very well, and not knowing where she was, she started touching her surroundings, feeling all the bananas she mumbled with a huge smile on her face,
“Gentlemen! Please! One at a time!!
