A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
“Listen,”
said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?”
Certainly, Sir” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. “Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”
Lesson IV - Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.
A man goes to the doctors. The doc checks him over, and says “sorry mate, but you have yellow 24, a nasty virus, so called as it turns your blood yellow and you only have 24 hours to live. There’s nothing I can do for you.
Just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth.” So he trudges home to wifey, and breaks the news.
Distraught, she asks him to accompany her to bingo that evening so he can experience her idea of a night out, as he’s never been there before. He gets his 1st card, and wins 4 corners - prize £350, and then gets any line and wins £3200. He also calls for a full house - and wins a grand.
The national grid comes up and he wins a further £380,000. The bingo Caller gets him on stage, and says “son - I’ve never seen you in here in all my life, but you won 4 corners, any line, full house & the national grid - I’ve never met anyone so lucky.”
“Lucky??” he screamed, “lucky? I’ll have you know I’ve got yellow 24.”
“blow me,” says the bingo caller. “You’ve won the raffle as well”!
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on it’s face.
The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, “Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question.
September 27th, 2005
23:13
Men
A pregnant woman is in a car accident and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, “Ma’am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them.”
The woman thinks to herself, “Oh no, not my brother, he’s an idiot!”
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, “Well, what’s the girl’s name?”
“Denise,” the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, “Wow, that’s not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!” Then she asks the doctor, “What’s the boy’s name?”
The doctor replies, “Denephew.”
One night, as he finished his last beer, Joe’s doorbell rang. He answered the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room, then left.
The next night, the doorbell rang, and he found the same six-foot cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left. The same thing happened the next night. This time, he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain. Then the big bug left.
The following day, Joe went to see his doctor. He explained the events of the preceding four nights. “What can I do?” he pleaded. “Not much,” the doctor replied. “There’s just a nasty bug going around.”
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
“Certainly, sir, that’ll be 1 cent.”
“One penny?!” exclaimed the guy.
The barman replied, “Yes.”
So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, “Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?”
“Certainly sir,” replies the bartender, “but all that comes to real money.”
“How much money?” inquires the guy.
“Four cents,” he replies.
“Four cents?!” exclaims the guy. “Where’s the guy who owns this place?”
The barman replies, “Upstairs with my wife.”
The guy says, “What’s he doing with your wife?”
The bartender replies, “Same as what I’m doing to his business.”
