bingbongboo fun

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught Murphy and said, “Murphy, I am so glad you decided to come to Mass, what made you come?”

Murphy said, “I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn came to church every Sunday. I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and I figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat.”

The priest said, “Well, Murphy, I notice that you didn’t steal McGlynn’s hat. What changed your mind?”

Murphy said, “Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 commandments, I decided that I didn’t need to steal McGlynn’s hat.”

The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, “After I talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ you decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell, right?”

Murphy shook his head and said, “No, Father, after you talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’ I remembered where I left my hat.”

A professional lawyer went duck hunting in eastern Kerala. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly gentleman asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I’m going into retrieve it.”
The old farmer replied. “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”

The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in India.
and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything!

The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we do things here in Kerala. We settle small disagreements like this with the “PK(pick lungi)Three-Kick Rule.”

The lawyer asked, “What is the PK three-Kick Rule?”

The Farmer replied. “Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.”

The Yankee attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the Yankee lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man’s nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The Yankee lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, “Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it’s my turn.”

The Kerala farmer was very happy and he smiled at him saying, “Now, I give up. You can have the duck.”

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, “There’s water in the carburettor.”
I asked her , “Where’s the car?”
She replied,”In the lake.”

Ned was down on his luck in Las Vegas. He had gambled away all his money and had to borrow a dime from another gambler just to use the men’s room. The stall happened to be open, so he used the dime in a slot machine and hit the jackpot. He took his winnings and went to the blackjack table and turned his small winnings into ten million dollars.

Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, Ned went on the lecture circuit, where he told his incredible story. He told his audiences that he was eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever found the man, he would share his fortune with him.

After months of lectures, a man in the audience jumped up and said, “I’m that man. I was the one who gave you the dime.”

Ned responded, “You’re not the one that I’m looking for. I’m looking for.
I’m looking for the guy who left the door open!”

A group of blondes walk into a bar. One of the women tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The gals lift their glasses and toast, “Here’s to 51 days!” and they proceed to down their drinks.

Once again, they tell the bartender to “line ‘em up”, and again they toast to 51 days and down their drinks.

The bartender said, “I don’t get it. Why in the world are you toasting to 51 days?”

One of the blondes explained, “We just finished a jigsaw puzzle that had written on the box 2-4 years and we finished it in 51 days

Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show, where you have to answer questions to win the cash prize.

Lady Luck had smiled in her favour, as Jane had gained a substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show’s host could ask her the big question.

Needless to say, Jane agreed to return the following day. Jane was nervous and fidgety as her husband drove them home. “I’ve just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are. You know I’m not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow.”

“Relax, honey,” her husband, Roger, reassured her. “It will all be OK.”

Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door.

“Where are you going?” Jane asked.

“I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon,” he replied.

Jane waited impatiently for Roger’s return. After an agonizing 3 hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin. “Honey, I managed to get tomorrow’s question and answer!”

“What is it?” she cried excitedly.

“OK. The question is: ‘What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?’
And the answer is ‘The head, the heart, and the penis.’ ”

Shortly after that, the couple went to sleep with Jane, now feeling confident and at ease, plummeting into a deep and restful slumber. At 3:30 in the morning, however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question. “The head, the heart, and the penis,” Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep. And Roger asked her again in the morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth.
Once again, Jane replied correctly.

So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel the butterflies conquering her stomach and nervousness running through her veins. The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous days events, faced Jane and asked the big question.

“Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10 seconds.”

“Hmm, uhm, the head?” she said nervously.

“Very good. Six seconds,” he said.

“Eh, uh, the heart?”

“Very good! Four seconds left,” he said.

“I, uhh, ooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning…”

“That’s close enough,” said the game show host…
“CONGRATULATIONS!!”