A young lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job.
The manager asked “Do you have any sales experience?”
The kid answered “Yeah, I was a salesman back home.”
Well the manager liked the kid, so he gave him the job.
His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked the kid
“OK,so how many sales did you make today?”
The kid said “One.”
The manager groaned and continued “Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?”
The kid replied “£101,237.64.”
The manager choked and exclaimed “£101,237.64? What the hell did you sell him?”
The kid said “Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook,and then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast,so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engined Power Cat. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x 4 Suzuki”.
The manager, incredulous, said “You mean to tell me….a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4×4?”
The kid said “No no no… he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his lady friend and I said… ‘Well, since your weekend’s fcuked, you might as well go fishing.”
September 29th, 2005
09:14
Blonde
A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day.
As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics and sent her on her way.
After she climbed 1000 f eet, she radioed in. “I’m doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I’m starting to get the hang of this.” After 2000 feet, she radioed again, sayin g how easy it was becoming to fly.
The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn’t radioed in. A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.
When he asked what happened, she said, “I don’t know!
Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold.
I can’t remember anything after I turned off the big fan.”
September 29th, 2005
04:11
Blonde
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for t wo weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds. “Why, that’s amazing!”
the doct
or says. “Did you follow my instructions?” The blonde nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.” “From hunger, you mean?”
“No, from skipping.”
September 29th, 2005
03:12
Blonde
The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company.
He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, “If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?” The blonde quickly responded, “The living one.”
September 28th, 2005
23:16
Sex
I checked into a hotel on a business trip recently and was a bit lonely so I thought I’d get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when your calling for a cab.
I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up to her butt.
You know the kind. So I’m in my room and figure, what the heck, I’ll give
her a call.
“Hello?” the woman says. God, she sounded sexy.
“Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I’d like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I’m in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I’m talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we’ll do it.Bring implements, toys, everything you’ve got in your bag of tricks.
We’ll go hot and heavy all night; Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want,baby.
Now, how does that sound?”
She says, “That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press 9.”
Moses and his flock arrive at the sea, with the Egyptians in hot pursuit.Moses calls a staff meeting.
“Well, how are we going to get across the sea?” asked Moses. “We need a fast solution. The Egyptians are close behind us.”
“Normally, I’d recommend that we build a pontoon bridge to carry us across,”
said the General Of The Armies, “but there’s not enough time - the Egyptians are too close.”
“Normally, I’d recommend that we build barges to carry us across,” said the Admiral Of The Navy, “but time is too short.”
“Does anyone have a solution?” asked Moses.
Just then, his Public Relations man raised his hand.
“You!” said Moses, “You have a solution?”
“No,” said the PR man, “but I can promise you this: If you can find a way out of this one, I can get you two or three full pages in the Old Testament…”
