bingbongboo fun

After sixty years of marriage an elderly couple were enjoying the evening, swinging on the front porch and looking at the beautiful sunset. After a few minutes the ol’ lady reaches over and knocks the hell out of the ol’ man who goes flying off the porch and into the bushes.
The ol’ man slowly gets up and makes his way back to his seat next to his wife on the swing. He sits there for a few minutes and then asks, "What was that for, Ma?" She replies: "That’s for having such a small pecker!"
A few more minutes go by and the ol’ man reaches over and knocks the hell out of his wife, who also goes flying off the porch and into the bushes. She slowly gets up and makes her way back to her seat next to Pa. She sits there a minute and then asks, "What was that for, Pa?" He replies, "That’s for knowing there was more than one size."

Old Seth goes to the doctor to see about erection problems. "I’ll be ridin’ the tractor on the south 20," Seth said, "and the warm sun and the tractor vibratin’ gets it up! But by the time I can get back to the house and maw gets ready, it’s down–and I can’t get it back up. Can you give me somethin’ to help keep it up?"

Time passes. The doctor meets Seth at the bank one morning and asks how he’s doing. Seth says he’s okay. The doc asks how Seth’s wife is, and Seth says, "Poor maw, she’s dead!"
"Sorry to hear that," says the doc. "How did she die?"
"Just run herself to death durin’ the quail season," said Seth

A husband and wife had quarreled for a quite a while. After a cool down period, the wife went to her husband the next morning and asked, "Honey, what are you doing?"
Her husband tried to hide the document in hand and mumbled, "Nothing."
His wife, who had seen what the document was, became very upset. "Nothing? I see you reading our Marriage certificate. Why you even got out a magnifying glass! You’ve been looking that over upside down, backwards, forwards, every which way! What’s that all about?"
Dejected, her husband said, "Well, if you must know, I was looking for the expiration date!"

This guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex. "Doc, I think my dick is just too damn small," he says.
The doctor asks him which drink he prefers.
Well, American beer," he replies quite bemused.

"Aaaahhh. There’s your problem, it shrinks things, those silly American beers.. you should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow."
Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him.
"I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doctor.
"Oh no, Doc," replies the man, "but I’ve got the wife on American beer!"

  One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, ‘I cannot accept money
from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door..
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m
doing community service this week.’ The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept
money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen different books, such as ‘How to Improve
Your Business’ and ‘Becoming More Successful.’
Then, a City Council Member comes in for a haircut , and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from
you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The City Council Member is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen City Council Members lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the elected officials.

SUSIE  LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE, SHE PLANNED TO MARRY  JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY ‘BOUT IT ALL, SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.

PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL, YOU’LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I’D JUST AS SOON YO’ MA DON’T KNOW, BUT JOE IS YO’ HALF BROTHER.

SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS, HE SAID, ‘THERE’S TROUBLE STILL.’

YOU CAN’T MARRY WILL, MY GAL, AND PLEASE DON’T TELL YO’ MOTHER.
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO’ I KNOW IS YO’ HALF BROTHER.

BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD, JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO’ HAPPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE; YOU AIN’T NO KIN TO PAPPY.

Day 1. Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.

Day 2. Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He’s impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn’t he tell me something I don’t know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven’t noticed.

Day 3. This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of Nelson’s Column and burst into tears.

Day 4. A miracle has happened! There’s a new drug on the market that will fix his ‘problem.’ It’s called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.

Day 5. What absolute bliss!!.

Day 6. Isn’t life wonderful but it’s difficult to write while he’s doing that.

Day 7. This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I’d like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. But, have to admit it’s very nice – I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy.

Day 8. I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed whacker. I’m also getting a bit sore down there.

Day 9. No time to write. He might catch me.

Day 10. Okay, I admit it. I’m hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he’s washing the Viagra down with neat whisky! What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over….

Day 11. I’m basically being screwed to death. It’s like living with a Black and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my armpits hurt. He’s a complete pig.

Day 12. I wish he was gay. I’ve stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become dangerous …

Day 13. Every time I shut my eyes, there’s a sneak attack! It’s like going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry" thing again, I’ll kill the bastard.

Day 14. I’ve done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him more horny. Help me.

Day 15. I think I’ll have to kill him. I’m starting to stick to everything I sit on. The cat and dog won’t go near him and our friends don’t come over any more. Last night I told him to go and fuck himself and he did.

Day 16. The bastard has started to complain about headaches. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac.

Day 17. Switched the pills but it doesn’t seem to have made any difference……Christ !!! here he comes again.

Day 18. He’s back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for him. What absolute bliss!!.