bingbongboo fun

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment ‘RENT FOR APARTMENT.’

On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclose the following typed note:

‘Dear Madam:

Enclosed find a check for $250 for rent of your apartment . I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:

#1 – it had never been occupied;
#2 – there was plenty of heat; and
#3 – it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.

However, I found out that:

#1 – it had been previously occupied,
#2 – there wasn’t any heat, and
#3 – it was entirely too large.’

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check f or $250 with the following note:

‘Dear Sir:

#1 – I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
#2 – As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
#3 – Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.

So, Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady…

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, ‘You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.’

The cat thought for a minute and then said, ‘All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.’

God said, ‘Say no more.’ Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat

The mice said, ‘Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again.’
God answered, ‘It is done.’ All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, ‘Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?’

The cat replied, ‘Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!’

A crusty old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room. As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00

HAMBURGER: $2.25

CHEESEBURGER: $2.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50

HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers. She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.

"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"

The old golfer leans over the bar an whispers, "I was wondering, young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs? "

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs: "Yes Sir , I sure am"

The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear and says softly, "Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger."

Mr.Sharma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: “I have great news: I’m a month overdue. I think we’re going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can’t tell anybody.”

The next day, Mrs.Sharma receives a telephone call from Electric Company because the electricity bill has not been paid. “Am I speaking to Mrs.Sharma?” “Yes…… speaking”

Electricity Guy: “Ma’am, I’m calling from the electricity department and You’re a month overdue, you know!”

“How do YOU know?” stammers the young woman.

“Well, ma’am, it’s in our files!” says the guy .

“What are you saying? It’s in your files …… HOW ?????”

“Yes ……….. We have a system of finding out who’s overdue”

“GOD !!!!!!…… … this is too much…….. ..”

“Madam, I am sorry…… I am following orders…. I have to inform you are overdue”

“I know that …….. let me talk to my husband about this tonight. ….. he will speak to your company tomorrow”

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to Electric Company’s office the next day morning.

“What’s going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?” the husband shouts.

“Just calm down,” says the lady at the reception at Electric Company, “it’s nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us..”

“PAY you? and if I refuse?”

“Well, in that case, sir, we’d have no option but to cut yours off.”

“And what would my wife do then?” the husband asks.

“I don’t know. I guess she’d have to use a candle.”

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn’t know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, ‘what the heck’, and I started jumping up and down along with her.

She said, ‘I have some really great news!’

I said, ‘Great. Tell me why you’re so happy.’

She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant.

I knew she’d been trying for a while so I told her, ‘That’s great I couldn’t be happier for you!’

Then she said, ‘There’s more’, I asked ‘What do you mean there’s more?’ She said, ‘Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!’

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.

She said, ‘Well, that was the easy part. I went to Sam’s Club and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!

One Monday morning the UPS guy is driving the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles..

“Wow. Bob”, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night, the UPS man comments.

Bob, in obvious pain, replies “Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. Hell, we all got so drunk aroundmidnight that’s when we started playing “WHO AM I.”

The UPS man thinks a moment and says, “How do you play “WHO AM I?”

“Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our ‘privates’ showing through a hole in the sheet…then the women try to guess who it is.”

The UPS man laughs and says, “Damn, I’m sorry I missed that.”

“Probably a good thing you did,” Bob responds. “Your name came up seven times.”